I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
