I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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