I bet he comes in French.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
