He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
