After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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