ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
