I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
