I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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