C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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