When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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