I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
