I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
