He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
