I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We named our party play list daddy issues
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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