Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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