I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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