Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I accidentally burped into my bong.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
