I cannot find my penis.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
