where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize