Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
