**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize