I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
