Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
