...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
