I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
