Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ugly people sure do ruin things
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
