i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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