he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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