idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
