dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
