I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
