dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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