How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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