I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
