You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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