about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
