so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
