Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
