After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
