His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
