so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As shirtless as possible
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
