hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
