Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
