I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
