That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
