just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
