Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
