I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
