so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
