Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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