i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
