This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
