I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
