when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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