the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
