I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
