My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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