I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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