Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
