You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
