She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
