You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
