here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
