Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize