never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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