i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
