EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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