I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
