I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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