The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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