Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
