everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
