you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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