I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
