I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dignity is for republicans.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
