In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
