She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
