Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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