I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
