I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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