I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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