is your mom at the bar?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
