She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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