theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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