Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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