I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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