Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
