i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
