i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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