Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize