i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
