You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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