omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
