I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're a waste of cheezeits
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
