I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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