omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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