my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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