I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize