I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize