Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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