she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
