Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
