It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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