U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
