The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
