And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize