if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
