Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
