all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize