Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
