My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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