we have officially lost it.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
