bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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