I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
