took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
