Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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