so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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