Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
