are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
