just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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