I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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