the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
